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Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Nov 2, 2020

Therapist Jessica Fern joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her new book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy. We talk about the basics of attachment theory and how to challenge the inherent mononormativity in it in order to apply it to nonmonogamy, especially polyamory. There is an in-depth discussion of childhood and ongoing trauma and how it relates to our relationships as well as the effects of larger societal systems on our sense of identity, safety, and security. We explore the co-regulation of our nervous systems, the difference between secure connection and a securely attached relationship, tools to help people and their partners learn about their attachment styles and become polysecure. Polysecure is the first book of its kind to look at nonmonogamy through the lens of attachment theory expansively without pathologizing it. Special thanks to Dipsea and Intensity Pour Moi for making this show possible.

Jessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker and trauma and relationship expert.  In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at